In her article,
Sex, Lies and Conversation, Deborah Tannen reveals how the lack
of communication between couples are affecting their relationship,
which is causing the divorce rate, in the United States, to be at
an unimaginable rate of fifty percent. Tannen explains that it
isnt a particular genders fault for the failed
communicationbetween men and women, but it is the lack of
knowledge of how the other
gendercommunicates thats at fault. She compares the
expectations and styles of communication of both men and women to
reveal how communication is truly cross-cultural between opposite
sex. Styles of communication, body language, and the differences in
listening styles are three main points that Tannen focuses on to
demonstrate how
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To truly
understand the problem, Tannen reveals that one would have to
understand the different personalities in both men and women and
how they act. Tannen illustrates that boys have a personality that
most girls dont really understand. She reveals that, Boys are
based on less talking, and more on doing things together. Boys
groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so it
makes them struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group
(Tannen 409). She emphasizes that this could very likely be a
reason why women complain that men dont listen to them. Men dont
really like to listen, because it makes them feel low and
unimportant. In the case for women, women are more talkative than
men. For women, intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk
is the thread from which it is woven (Tannen 409). To women,
communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Women like to
express their feelings more and get support from their listeners.
In her experiment, with second and sixth grade boys and girls, she
observed how girls tended to share stories and talk about the
problems they had. The boys, on the other hand, would tease, tell
jokes, and talk about many topics over the period of time. The boys
had a tendency to jump from topic to topic many times. However,
women see this as a sign of not listening
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For women, body
language is everything. Through her experiments, Tannen came to the
conclusion that women, when having a conversation, would face each
other directly and their eyes would be anchored on each others
faces (Tannen 410). Although, when she would study the boys, she
would find that the boys would sit at angles to each other and
look elsewhere in the room when having a conversation (Tannen
410). Women often times find this form of action offensive, and
would come to the conclusion that the man is uninterested in the
conversation. Tannen gives the example of the young
womanin college
to illustrate how the boyfriends body language affected the young
women. Tannen explains how in order for the young womans boyfriend
to pay attention to the woman, He would lie on the floor, close
his eyes, and put his arm over his face (Tannen 410). The woman
didnt know this, but that was how the man was able to pay
attention when the young woman was talking. The miscommunication,
between the man and the woman, caused a confusion and made the
young woman to feel like he wasnt paying attention, when in fact
he was trying his best to listen to what she
was
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