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In her article, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” Deborah Tannen reveals how the lack of communication between couples are affecting their relationship, which is causing the divorce rate, in the United States, to be at an unimaginable rate of fifty percent. Tannen explains that it isn’t a particular gender’s fault for the failed communicationbetween men and women, but it is the lack of knowledge of how the other gendercommunicates that’s at fault. She compares the expectations and styles of communication of both men and women to reveal how communication is truly “cross-cultural” between opposite sex. Styles of communication, body language, and the differences in listening styles are three main points that Tannen focuses on to demonstrate how …show more content…
To truly understand the problem, Tannen reveals that one would have to understand the different personalities in both men and women and how they act. Tannen illustrates that boys have a personality that most girls don’t really understand. She reveals that, “Boys are based on less talking, and more on doing things together. Boys’ groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so it makes them struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group” (Tannen 409). She emphasizes that this could very likely be a reason why women complain that men don’t listen to them. Men don’t really like to listen, because it makes them feel low and unimportant. In the case for women, women are more talkative than men. “For women, intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk is the thread from which it is woven” (Tannen 409). To women, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Women like to express their feelings more and get support from their listeners. In her experiment, with second and sixth grade boys and girls, she observed how girls tended to share stories and talk about the problems they had. The boys, on the other hand, would tease, tell jokes, and talk about many topics over the period of time. The boys had a tendency to jump from topic to topic many times. However, women see this as a sign of not listening …show more content…
For women, body language is everything. Through her experiments, Tannen came to the conclusion that women, when having a conversation, would face each other directly and “their eyes would be anchored on each other’s faces” (Tannen 410). Although, when she would study the boys, she would find that the “boys would sit at angles to each other and look elsewhere in the room” when having a conversation (Tannen 410). Women often times find this form of action offensive, and would come to the conclusion that the man is uninterested in the conversation. Tannen gives the example of the young womanin college to illustrate how the boyfriend’s body language affected the young women. Tannen explains how in order for the young woman’s boyfriend to pay attention to the woman, “He would lie on the floor, close his eyes, and put his arm over his face” (Tannen 410). The woman didn’t know this, but that was how the man was able to pay attention when the young woman was talking. The miscommunication, between the man and the woman, caused a confusion and made the young woman to feel like he wasn’t paying attention, when in fact he was trying his best to listen to what she was

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