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Governor I. M. Aputz (“IMA”), governor of the State of Confusion, promised to sign a law passed by the state legislature allowing all illegal aliens and criminals to obtain a Confusion State driver’s license. In the State of Confusion, the driver’s license is the only valid form of identification for citizens and lawful residents (non-citizens who are residing or living inside the state) and entitles everyone who has one to all the rights and benefits that the state has to offer such as free admission to all state parks, pools, and other facilities, state tax exemptions, reduced tuition to all state colleges and universities and, of course, the right to vote (which is actually a federal right afforded only to lawful citizens). Because the current law requires several forms of identification, including a social security card (which is available only to citizens and lawful permanent residents), to obtain a driver’s license, the federal government accepts it as a proper form of identification to vote, enter federal buildings and board airplanes. Confusion’s new law, however, would allow anyone to get the license without presenting any form of official or proper identification. It would also permit any non-resident, illegal alien or criminal to the same rights and benefits as lawful citizens and residents. Governor IMA insists that the new law is necessary in order “to identify and keep track of” illegal aliens and criminals, especially because they might be dangerous, and the State of Confusion must be able to identify and find them.

After hearing about Confusion’s new law, President D’oh called Governor IMA and told him that the new law was passed and signed into effect, the federal government would no longer recognize the Confusion State driver’s license as a valid form of identification. D’oh also stated that the Confusion license will essentially be useless because without proper proof of citizenship or lawful resident status, there will be no way of determining whether people holding the new license are terrorists or criminals and whether they are eligible to vote. President D’oh emphasized that allowing non-United States citizens to vote violates the Constitution and giving access to federal buildings and airplanes to people who may be terrorists and criminals presents a risk to the country’s national security. IMA called D’oh an idiot and told him to “go play in traffic.”

Also, as a result of Confusion’s new driver’s license law, governors of several neighboring states called IMA and told him that if he signed the law into effect, they would no longer allow any Confusion citizens/residents from entering their states because of the same security risks and would immediately arrest anyone from Confusion caught inside their state. IMA told them all to “shove it” and called them “a bunch of useless sacks of s- - - .”

The Confusion County Clerks, who are responsible for actually issuing the driver’s licenses, strongly opposed the new law. In protest, the clerks formed a political action committee called “Clerks Refusing to Issue Driver’s Licenses to Potential Criminals, Terrorists and all other Social Misfits” (“CRIPTS”). The CRIPTS held rallies throughout the State of Confusion in front of government buildings, politicians’ homes and on the front lawn of IMA’s house. These demonstrations were held during all hours of the day and night. Beverly Hillbilly, the leader of this group, is an outspoken county clerk from an upstate Confusion town with a population of about five hundred people. He drives a pick-up truck which has a gun rack stacked with four shotguns and has no teeth. Hillbilly attends each of these rallies, gets in the faces of politicians and other government officers, and dares them to “make me” issue the new licenses. He has said on many occasions that his clerks will issue the licenses “over his dead body” and that if anyone gets in his way, he’ll “take them out.”

Oddly, Hillbilly’s CRIPTS has become wildly popular. His demonstrations attract thousands of people. Near the end of each rally, Hillbilly burns a six-foot dummy representing IMA and leads chants, “Burn Aputz.” Hillbilly’s group has become so popular that he began charging admission to his demonstrations. He even sells tee-shirts, coffee mugs and key chains with the phrase, “Burn Aputz.” At the last rally before IMA was going to sign the new law into effect, he sold miniature IMA dolls that light-up in orange when squeezing its head to pretend that it’s burning.

Hillbilly ordered a large supply of light-up dolls directly from the company that makes them, Rabble-Rouser Products, Inc. (“RRP”). RRP is incorporated in California, has its Principal Place of Business in Texas and sells anywhere in the country as long as it is for a political demonstration. However, this was the first time it sold any of its products anywhere inside the State of Confusion. Mr. Demon Strator, an illegal alien and convicted felon living in the neighboring State of Chaos, bought one of the IMA dolls at the rally and, while squeezing its head to light up the doll, it burst into flames. Demon was seriously and permanently burned over much of his face and hands. Although Demon doesn’t have a job (because he’s an illegal alien who was just released from prison and too busy going to political rallies), he has incurred enormous expenses for multiple surgeries, physical therapy, general rehabilitation. RRP has never sold any of its products inside the State of Chaos.


Answer all of the following:

1. (30 points) Demon Strator asks his lawyer where he could file a lawsuit against RRP. His lawyer tells him that California, Texas, Confusion, Chaos and federal court may be possible depending on whether each has jurisdiction. Prepare an opinion for Demon Strator explaining why or why not each of these courts would or would not have jurisdiction.

2. (30 points) Does Confusion’s new law violate the United States Constitution. Why or why not?

3. (25 points) Assuming Confusion had not passed this law, if Congress (federal government) had passed a law prohibiting any state from issuing a driver’s license to any undocumented resident, illegal alien or criminal, would it be a proper use of its Constitutional powers? Why or why not?

4. (15 points) The State of Confusion sues Hillbilly for refusing to comply with the new law. Hillbilly defends the lawsuit claiming it is against his religious beliefs to give anything to illegals, criminal and terrorists. Is Hillbilly likely to succeed? Why or why not?

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